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cars like computers (fwd)



>
>> > Subject:
>> > WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
>> >
>> > General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
>> > to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers - - but
>> > imagine if they did . . .
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "What's an ignition?"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
>> > turns over the engine."
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to know
>> > all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
>> >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> > HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "Huh?  How do I know!?"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
>> > markings from 'E' to 'F.'  Where is the needle pointing?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
>> > purchase some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself, or pay the
>> > vendor to install it for you."
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:   "What!?  I paid $12,000.00 for this car!  Now you tell me
>> > that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes with
>> > everything built in!"
>> >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> > HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "Your cars suck!"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "What were you doing?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
>> > the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and
>> > now it won't start!"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do
>> > you expect us to do about it?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:   "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
>> > doesn't crash anymore!"
>> >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> > HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
>> > it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
>> > brakes, and power door locks."
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "How do I work it?"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "Do I know how to what?"
>> >
>> > HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
>> >
>> > CUSTOMER:  "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go places in my
>> > car!"
>
>************************* Azeem Iqbal Pirani *************************
>***********************  Xibercom (Pvt.) Ltd. ************************
>***********************   pirani@xiber.com    ************************
>************ http://www.egr.uh.edu/~ahs21457/venture.html ************
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