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Off Topic: Shooting yourself in the foot
> Shooting Yourself in the Foot
> or
> ______ How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using
> (__ __) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> / /
> / /
> (_/he proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have
> stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult to
> remember which language you're using. This guide is offered as a public
> service to help programmers in such dilemmas.
>
> C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
>
> C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
> all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible
> since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just
> pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."
>
> Objective-C (NeXT): You write a protocol for shooting yourself in the foot
> so that all people can get shot in their feet.
> Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United
> States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in
> front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his
> feet."
> or
> After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently
> load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the
> foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of
> the wrong type.
>
> Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
> esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent
> medic in the emergency room.
>
> Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
>
> APL: You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you
> don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.
> or
> You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out
> how to do it fewer characters.
>
> Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
> administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After
> a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself
> in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting
> at everyone n sight.
> or
> You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you
> must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
>
> BASIC: Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue
> until entire lower body is waterlogged.
> Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so
> much fun doing it that you won't care.
>
> COBOL: USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
> ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN
> return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs
> to be retied.
>
>
> DBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by
> the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot
> yourself anyway. <rboatright
>
> DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun
> was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up.
>
> Forth: yourself foot shoot.
>
> FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
> of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run
> out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
> processing ability.
>
> Modula/2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
> in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.
>
> sh, csh, etc.:
> You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five
> hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the
> computer and switch to C.
>
> Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
> system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
> workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character
> terminal.
>
> PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the
> offline bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles
> its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and
> drops the original one on your foot.
>
> Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing
> to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in
> your face.
> or
> You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The
> program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow
> it to explain.
>
> SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to
> be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then
> changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).
>
> SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
> shoot yourself in the right foot.
>
> lisp: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
> with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
> gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
>
> scheme: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
> with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
> gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
> ...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
>
>
>
> Paradox Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
>
> Revelation You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon
> as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
>
> English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
>
> CLIPPER: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that ou
> can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the
> bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the
> mail _REAL_SOON_NOW_.
>
> SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it
> returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the
> attachment at the end of your leg.
>
> 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining
> how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes
> back deep-fried.
>
> Unix % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
> % rm *.o
> rm:.o: No such file or directory
> % ls
> %
> Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
>
> HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of
> you. Answer the result.
>
> Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
> trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
> handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
> trigger, the gun jams.
>
>
> P.S.: If a train-station is, where a train stops, what is a workstation ??
Read U soon
Patricia
--
______________________________________________________________________________
Patricia Jung merrykju@IRC PGP-key on request
e-mail: pjung@uni-freiburg.de http://rummelplatz.uni-mannheim.de/~pjung/
______________Anwenderberatung RZ: Tel. ++49-761/203-4620_____________________
Linus v.2.0 -- the future of Linux is female (and called Patricia ;)