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Off Topic: If OS were Beers
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> Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1997 00:21:10 -0500 (EST)
> From: Pete Templin <templin@bucknell.edu>
>
> If Operating Systems Were Beers...
>
> * DOS Beer:
> Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
> directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
> 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
> into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
> separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are
> going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
> * Mac Beer:
> At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
> Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
> When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
> list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you
> are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds
> you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
> * Windows 3.1 Beer:
> The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
> Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
> allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality
> you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if
> you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for
> apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you
> open it.
> * OS/2 Beer:
> Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
> simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
> too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when
> you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
> drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
> Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
> * Windows 95 Beer:
> You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and
> claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but
> tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when
> you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most
> people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their
> friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients
> list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same
> ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims
> that this is an entirely new brew.
> * Windows NT Beer:
> Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
> causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
> can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
> change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95
> beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
> suggested only for use in bars.
> * Unix Beer:
> Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
> Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
> claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
> the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have
> your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you
> either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been
> drinking Unix Beer for several years.
> * AmigaDOS Beer:
> The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
> up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
> This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer
> didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
> extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but
> now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced,
> it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much
> over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim
> that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
> * VMS Beer:
> Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
> sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
> contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
> development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list
> of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an
> unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that
> this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a
> tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.
>
>
> --Pete
> _______________________________________________________________
> Peter J. Templin, Jr. Client Services Analyst
> Computer & Communication Services tel: (717) 524-1590
> Bucknell University templin@bucknell.edu